The Fight With The Black Dog Continues

Since sharing my blog post again a few weeks ago I have had a few of you message me asking how I am doing now. If you didn’t read my blog post, I had written it about 5 years ago just before opening Eggplant & poppy’s shop…. It was after a very hard journey with my mental health, a break down & a realisation that I , in fact, am not superwoman & cannot do everything..

 

 

Every year I share this blog post I am so warmed by the comments, likes, shares & private messages about it. It was a real raw post to share & I know that It was something I had to do, if I could make one person feel a little less alone then I was happy to sit out of my comfort zone & share my experience.

 

So, I wrote that back in 2015 just a week or so shy of opening our shop with Emma, my super dooper business partner & pretty much other half of my brain. 

 

 

The shop was everything I expected it to be & more. Owning your own business is fun, rewarding & stressful with a lot of self-doubt, sleepless nights & dedication. It isn’t for the faint hearted or for those who aren’t prepared to eat sleep & breathe your business 24 hours a day.

Sorry, I know there is a lot of talk about work life balance but to be honest it is REALLY hard to have that when you own a business. It doesn’t come naturally because you “own” a business or you are your own boss - you have to WORK to have that balance, you have to be ORGANISED, you have to be PREPARED. 

But the hard-honest truth is there is no break from it. 

 

This may be coming across as negative, but it’s not. None of this is negative, it’s been a HUMONGOUS learning curve for me and I have found out things about myself that I didn’t know before this little thing called E&P existed. Mine & Emma’s roles within E&P were never “planned” they just evolved as we worked together to find our likes, dislikes, strengths & weaknesses…. (Like Emma is now banned from making playlists for the shop & I am not allowed to be out on the floor near customers when I have had no sleep….lol)

This was the most organic process… we had no business plan, no set roles & just let it be. After a couple of years, we started to realise that we both work very differently from one another, which is amazing in so many ways as this allows us to be truly who we are as business partners, women, mothers & friends.

 

I am an introvert.

 

Yes. You read that right. And an empath. So, I will often burst into tears with you as you tell me something that is hurting you or going on in your life.

Some days my anxiety & self-doubt is  still so crippling & I often find it really hard to make chit chat, however I will happily stand there & talk to you about your life story, your break up, why you think the universe exists & all the shit things happening to you during Mercury retrograde.

 

 

I used to berate myself for these traits & think I needed to be more “normal” and stop being such a big fat softy. I saw these “sensitive” traits as weakness. 

I don’t so much anymore, I nurture them as much as I can. With a lot of out time, my roles now within our business can see me work from home with doing ordering, social media, website work etc - it sees me out the back of the shop so when you walk past, you may not always see me behind the counter. And now our amazing Larissa has come along, it has allowed me to hand over other things like merchandising (another thing Emma is banned from) and know that the shop is in good hands.

 

Being busy needs to stop being glorified. I need my days at home where I literally do not speak to anyone. I need at least 2 days like that. Where I do not leave the house. I stay in my pjs, take long baths, read, sleep, meditate & just recharge.

Since I’ve stopped fighting this, my recovery rate of bouts of depression & anxiety are shortened because I still allow myself to sit in those dark places & tell myself that it's ok. I will come out when I’m ready.

 

I get asked a lot after sharing my previous blog post about treatment – I don’t want this post to seem like everything is now all roses, because it’s not. Those days of crippling anxiety & depression are still very much there, it’s just that I have a process now

 

This business has been really good for my self-esteem & self-value. Whilst I still struggle with these two things majorly, I have accomplished some things that I never imagined I could do.

I am half responsible for running this amazing shop & business, I am half responsible for making people laugh, from making people happy. I am responsible for helping people online shop braless with a glass of wine in hand…. I am responsible for living a dream that others daren’t try.

 

I know this may not be possible for everyone to do this, but don’t give up if you are in a hole right now. Like I said in my other blog post, keep breathing, it will be ok. But you can’t do it on your own, you need a team of people who will be there to catch you when you fall, hold you up when you can’t go on, wipe your tears & tell you how amazing you are.

If I can offer once piece of advice to ANYONE struggling with something, no matter how big or small - go & speak to a professional!!! 
Medication is awesome, it will help level you out, but you NEED to sort out the underlying issue.... this can only be achieved with speaking to a professional. My psychologist is invaluable, and has helped me immensely - and I actually think that everyone need to go & speak to someone at some stage in their life, if for nothing else, for yourself & helping make you a better person.

 

I am so lucky to have an army of these people in my life, between my amazing GP & Psychologist, my best friends, my husband, my mum, my kids & even some of our customers who I can now call friends. I am never short of being reminded how loved I am. This is important for everyone, no matter your personality, to be reminded how loved & how valued you are, because when we feel valued, appreciated & loved, we can start to heal parts of ourselves that we never knew were broken in the first place.

Go today, right now & tell someone close to you how you feel about them, and I hope someone has told you today how amazing you are.

Because it’s true, you are incredible.

We all are, just to continue to exist in this sometimes harsh world.

 

Love & Light to you all, and don’t forget to breathe.

 

Kirsty x

 

 

 

• Lifeline Crisis Hotline: 13 11 14.
• Beyond Blue : 1300 22 4636