The Girl, The Penguin, The Homeschooling & The Gin

It’s alright,’ said the Penguin in exactly the sort of way that Penguins don’t. ‘This is the only book you’ll ever need to find complete happiness.’ Because it’s been a bit of a trying time, hasn’t it?

You now know that your eight-year-old is better at maths than you. And English. And at not crying during schoolwork. And the only way to get through it with a smile has been to buy all the booze, wear all the pyjamas and try and make the supermarket delivery person your new best friend, through the letterbox, without screaming at them.